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Oh, this is a great topic! I
remember when I was younger and in school, fear stopped me
from asking out a girl I wanted to date. I can remember
all the thoughts of different things I wanted to say and
how I would ask her out. But as quickly as the thoughts to
ask her out popped in my head, I came up with all the
reasons why she might say no. I remember the
"feeling" of rejection and embarrassment even
though I didn't even pick up the phone! It's as real in my
mind right now as it was then.
I didn't understand it then
but I certainly do today.
Do you ever have any
thoughts of fear that cause you to not to move ahead with
any of your dreams or goals?
Every human on earth at one
time or another feels this "fear" and reverts
back into their "safety" or comfort zone. The
system was created to protect us in times of real danger
but we must learn when danger is real or caused by our
imagination of what may happen…again.
What ability causes one
person to face and overcome possible rejection at work, in
school or in a relationship? On the other hand what causes
someone to be paralyzed by a mere thought? Consider the
following:
- A man who goes after
business like a tiger may be uncomfortable with women
and therefore not be able to approach a woman for fear
of rejection.
- A woman who is miserable
in a relationship may be petrified at the thought of
saying anything to her spouse in fear of the potential
discussion or backlash.
- A child may not seek out
other children to play with at school in fear of
rejection.
The list can go on and on,
from fear of leaving your job, to fear of hurting yourself
if you try something new. So, what is really going on, and
how can we stop this once and for all?
First and foremost,
understand that fear is a very common feeling and we all
have one fear or another. The "feeling" of fear
is almost solely based on what we think may happen if we
try and fail. It is different than actually knowing that
we will hurt ourselves if we fall 20 stories from a
building.
Most fears are illusions we
create in our own head, based on past conditioning and not
based on what is possible. As children we are natural born
risk takers and for the most part we are fearless. The
meaning we give an experiences when we do not achieve the
result we want, determines how we "see" and
"feel" the next opportunity that seems like the
one we've experienced in the past.
If we experience rejection
more times than we care to, we tend to mentally label the
experience a negative one. Over time, this becomes our
belief, and our beliefs, as you already know, becomes our
reality.
But…:
- What would happen if we
changed the meaning of an experience we didn't like?
- What if we learned to
label the experience a learning one or an interesting
one?
- Do you think your
tolerance level would increase for trying again?
I have learned that people
who really succeed in various areas of life often frame
their experiences differently than those who quickly label
the experience as a negative one.
When we feel fear, we are
playing a mental track that is not conducive to growth.
All growth comes from stretching oneself past the comfort
zone that limits us. Risk is a necessary part of the
reward. You cannot have one without the other.
Let me suggest that you
start to label your experiences in a way that serves you
rather than limits you.
We have very few limits
except the ones that we set on ourselves. And those are
mostly out of fear from the past. Do not let your past
control your present thinking. Step out and grow. Step out
of your comfort zone and be free again!
--
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