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1. They are leaders as well as
parents. They don’t rely on the schools, the government,
television, the movies or music to teach their children
values and the difference between right and wrong. They do
it themselves.
2. They have a vision for
their family and its future, one that is discussed and
shared often. And they support the vision with clearly
articulated, clarified and communicated values and
beliefs. Every action, behaviour, and decision is taken
with those values and beliefs firmly in mind. They
constantly emphasize the relationship between family
successes and acting in accordance with the values and
beliefs. They make a clear distinction between right and
wrong. Everybody is clear on how things are to be done and
why.
3. They are behavioural
models for their children. Their behaviours reflect those
that they want the kids to emulate. They are honest
because they value honesty; open because they value
openness; forgiving because they value forgiveness. They
make tough decisions when necessary and they take
responsibility for the results. They don’t just tell
their children what to value and believe; they show them
through words and deeds.
4. They enable their
children. They communicate high, but achievable
behavioural and performance expectations and provide the
spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual and financial
resources the children need to successfully achieve them.
They know that self-esteem is a function of achievement.
5. They talk with their
kids, not at them. They develop feedback loops so the
children can come to understand the impact of their
behaviour on others. They make sure the kids understand
the relationship behaviour and consequences. And they
distinguish between the child and his or her behaviour so,
when there are problems, they unconditionally love the
child while looking for a solution to the problem.
6. They take pains to
understand how children develop. As the children are
finding their way in the world these parents use a
combination of maturity and skill to firmly direct when
direction is needed; discuss when the circumstances merit;
push the kids away when they are ready to make provisional
tries when they are ready to and, finally; they set them
free altogether. Through it all, the door is left open for
the kids to come back if they needed to.
7. They take an active role
in their children’s education, both formal and informal.
They are active contributors to both the schools and
communities. They enrich the home environment in every way
they can. They go to concerts, games, on camping trips
and, unfailingly, to the ceremonies that mark the
graduations from one stage to the next.
8. Although their children
are outstanding in any number of ways, these parents
freely admit their kids were anything but perfect. They
accept and openly talk about the fact that, while good
kids, their children are just as prone as others to the
vicissitudes of growing up and, on occasion, their
behaviour reflects that fact.
9. When the time comes,
they discuss the future and provide appropriate advice and
guidance regarding career and other life choices that
children must eventually make.
10. Through it all they
encourage independent, critical thinking so, in the final
analysis, each child becomes his or her own person.
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About
The Author
©
Dr. Tom Olson 2004, all rights reserved
Permission to reprint article granted as
long as this signature remains intact.
Dr. Tom
Olson is the author of Don’t Die With
Your helmet On. Visit www.Dontdiewithyourhelmeton.com
for more information about Dr. Tom, the
book and his work.
onfo@dontdiewithyourhelmeton.com |
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