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If you ever walk through an
orphanage, it will be an experience you’ll never forget.
Witnessing children in poverty, children discarded,
children stunted both physically and emotionally, will
stir your heart beyond belief. And adopting a child is a
joy as great as witnessing the first sharp intake of
breath by your very own newborn infant.
The suffering of orphans
vary from country to country, but even in the US, where
conditions are as good as they get outside of Western
Europe, less than 20% of those that age out of the foster
care system are completely self-sufficient as young
adults.
The conditions elsewhere
are sad and sadder, and the need for families to take
these children home is dire, in some cases a matter of
life and death. The orphans in Sierra Leone bear pain and
suffering that no human being should have to endure. Food,
potable water, and healthcare are in short supply. The
median age in Sierra Leone is 17. Due to war and shortages
of food supply, many of these children won’t make it to
that median age.
Children waiting for
adoption in Sierra Leone.
The future looks bleak for
even the average orphan. In Russia, 40% of the orphans who
never find homes as children become homeless as adults,
and 10% commit suicide after aging out of the system.
For those with special
needs the future is even grimmer. Disabilities are not
tolerated anywhere in the world as well as they are in the
United States. Wheelchair ramps and accessible public
bathrooms are just a couple of outward signs of how
integrated our society is. In many countries, special
needs orphans will never leave the institution. In Russia,
they are considered incurable invalids and put in a
sanatorium for life. Kimberly Reese described the
situation in both Hungary and Bulgaria, “I saw NO
special needs people ANYWHERE outside the orphanages.”
Susan Buchholz adopted from
Vietnam twice. Both of her Vietnamese daughters are
special needs children. The only people she saw outside
the orphanage with disabilities were those peddling
postcards to tourist.
She also witnessed many
children begging on the streets. This image still haunts
her. Poverty is a way of life in Vietnam. She describes
bringing home her second daughter, Teresa. “Even at 14
months of age, she had only had formula and “rice
soup” which I imagine to be a kind of rice cereal. Thai,
from International Mission of Hope, told us that
Vietnamese families do no teach their children to feed
themselves until they are 7 or 8 years old to limit their
intake of food. He said the teachers in the younger grades
also feed their students for the same reason.”
Bulgaria’s orphans suffer
emotional neglect. Kimberly Reese adopted two children
from Hungary and one from Bulgaria. “Ella’s orphanage
in Bulgaria was awful. I can say that both of my Hungarian
children were well cared for and came home very stable
emotionally. My Bulgarian child was clearly mistreated.
…she was like a wild animal. It was very sad.”
Nikki from Hungary, and
Ella from Bolivia. Like Susan, Kimberly adopted special
needs children. Kimberly’s oldest child, Nikki, is
missing most of her left hand. Nikki was offered to
Kimberly and her husband by the adoption agency and since
they didn’t think her special need was a big deal, they
accepted her. “Once we got Nikki home, we realized that
these kids rarely ever get adopted in Europe-- unless by
Americans. Nikki is so wonderful. We requested special
needs after that.” Ella’s special needs were
emotional. Their youngest, David, was adopted from Hungary
and doesn’t have any hands. “Because both Nikki and
David have upper limb deformities, Ella always wants to be
just like them. Strange, isn’t it? She wants a hand like
Nikki’s or arms like David’s. I have seen her try to
eat or drink using her elbows like David.”
These disabilities are a
part of a natural life to Susan’s and Kimberly’s
families. Life is a joy with their beautiful children, and
if anything the disabilities create laughter. “One of
the funniest comments I remember was when we first brought
Nikki home. My cousin had adopted two kids form the states
and we were having a party to celebrate. We were at the
pizza place and my little cousin said, ‘Kim, don’t
panic! They have got to be here somewhere!’ He was so
serious that I started to get concerned as he almost
frantically looked around for something. I said, ‘what
is it, baby?!’ He said, ‘I’m sure Nikki had them
when she came in but she has dropped three of her
fingers!’ It was a scream!”
Many parents choose
international adoption just for this reason. They can
offer a better-- a much better-- life to a child from an
underprivileged country. They can see an angel where
others have only seen an invalid. They can offer steak and
chocolate cake to a child that has hungered for rice.
Hundreds of thousands of
children are waiting for families to rescue them from
coming of age in an orphanage. For most the wait is
futile.
Sadder yet are the
potential matches between orphans and families that go
unpaired. There are thousands of families with the
financial and emotional resources it takes to raise
another child. They are willing and eager to care for and
love a child as their own but unable to come up with the
large adoption fees required upfront. The $20,000 price
tag is a hard hurdle to overcome.
Many adopting families beg
and borrow enough to cover these initial fees from
families and friends. Those who are able to cash in their
IRAs or take out a second mortgage are fortunate. Some run
up credit card debt to cover adoption fees. Many give up
and never consider adopting again.
The road to adoption is
steep, but the rewards are tremendous. Imagine giving a
child a warm bubble bath before bed. Now imagine that this
is a brand new experience for your child. Warm bath water
is a luxury many of these children never know.
Even if you are unable to
adopt a child yourself you can still make a difference by
donating to a children’s charity which offers adoption
grants to families adopting older or special needs
children.
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About
The Author
Tanya
Sturman is the volunteer director for A
Child’s Desire, Inc., a 501 c(3)
children’s charity. A Child’s Desire
offers adoption grants to children waiting
over a year in an orphanage for a family
to choose them. More information can be
found at www.aChildsDesire.org
grants@achildsdesire.org |
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