Moms and dads, are there times
you think that parenting would be easier if you didn't
have to make family decisions? Having a partner that is
not in agreement with your parenting ideas or discipline
approaches is more than just frustrating. It can be a
cause of division in even the best of relationships.
Furthermore, how you handle your disagreements will have a
direct impact on your relationship with your partner and
with your children.
It would be great if every couple agreed on everything but
that is an unlikely event. One partner may have been
raised in a relaxed environment; another may have been
raised in a very strict home. What is acceptable by one
partner may be appalling to another. It is important to
discuss with your partner what your parenting objectives
are. Decide what values are important to both of you. You
will find that some things are more important to you than
to your partner and vice versa. Here are some steps you
can do to work towards resolving parenting disagreements.
1. Discuss your parenting objectives. What is important to
both of you? Sit down with your partner and decide what
values are most important. Also what areas are not as
important?
2. Talk about where your children are developmentally and
what they are capable of understanding. Sometimes the
reasons for parenting disputes are because one partner
thinks that a child is capable of understanding something
and the other disagrees. Knowing what your child's
cognitive level is will help you to make better decisions.
Do not compare your child to other children. You can use
examples based on what they are capable of doing and not
doing. For instance, if you ask them to get something out
of their toy box, do they understand and go get it? If not
expecting your child to be able to understand certain
things may be unreasonable.
3.
Find out what both of your parenting strengths and
weaknesses are. Many times both parents want the same
things for their kids. Compliment your partner on his/her
strengths. Don't just point out your partner's flaws.
4.
The majority of parenting disagreements are over
discipline methods and when it is appropriate to
discipline. One parent may think that spanking is the best
method and the other may prefer time outs or something
else. One of the most effective ways to resolve this issue
is to talk about it. Find out the reasons why your partner
feels the way he/she does. There are pros and cons to
every form of parenting. Talk about why your partner
thinks his/her discipline style is the better method.
Sometimes talking about it will help you to see each
other's point of view.
5.
If the discussion gets heated, agree to disagree. Fighting
about how to parent is only going to make the situation
worse. Walk away, take a break and discuss it when you are
not angry.
6.
Plan ahead. Discuss problem situations you are having with
your children. For instance, if you are having a problem
with your child having temper tantrums, discuss how you
think this should be handled. If you have a plan in
action, it will be easier for both of you to follow each
other's wishes.
7.
Pick your battles. Some things you may never agree on. You
don't have to agree on everything. Find the issues that
are most important to you and work on resolving those
first.
8.
Do not argue about parenting in front of your children.
This is easier said than done. The best way to handle a
situation you don't agree with is not to interrupt but to
wait till later and then discuss how you think it could
have been handled differently.
9.
Work on role modeling communication. If your children see
that you communicate and problem solve together, they will
grow up to do the same. Children often repeat patterns of
their own parents. Look at your relationship and evaluate
how you communicate. Is this the way you would like your
children to communicate with their future partner?
10.
Parenting and relationships are a growing process. The
more you communicate the better parent/partner you will
be. Learn from each other and listen to each other. Build
on your parenting strengths and tackle your parenting
weaknesses a little at a time. It won't happen over night
but if you continue to discuss things with your partner
calmly and positively you will become better parenting
partners.
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About
The Author
Patty
Hone is a wife and mommy to three kids.
She is also the owner of Justmommies.com.
Justmommies is an online community for
mommies to make friends and find support.
Please visit Justmommies at http://www.justmommies.com |
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