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It is not the divorce but the
conflict arising after divorce the culprit of most
psychological-adjustment problems the children are having.
So, how to stop the post-divorce parental conflict from
bursting must be given a premium importance by parents who
want to have a healthy, happy and successful divorced
children.
First let us identify the
source of most post-divorce parental conflict. It is only
when we are able to identify exactly the source of most
post-divorce parental conflict that we are able to stop.
It is said that building or
maintaining regular communication with your 'ex' is one of
the most important keys to successful divorce parenting.
If there exist an ineffective communicating relationship
between spouses, one may be left the other uninformed of
the important matters relative to their children and thus
often become the major source of new parental conflict.
Effective parenting after
divorce requires effective communication. Even if spouses
don't like each other, or disagree on many issues, they
still have to work together as a team as far as their
children are concerned. Both should know what's going on.
With stronger co-parenting
communication, there will be less chance of
misunderstandings and conflicts between the ex-spouses --
and a better chance of a healthy upbringing for the
children.
Here are the five goals you
can set to improve co-parenting communication:
1. Have a clear, consistent
schedules and rules.
2. Keep each other abreast
of any parenting-related developments or important issues.
3. Set an appointment to
speak with your ex about any problems, then be polite but
firm while trying to solve them.
4. Develop a trust level
between each other.
5. Be civil and reasonable
at all times.
To keep communication
healthy, use these guidelines when you communicate in
person with your 'ex'.
1. Be consistent. Make sure
your facial expressions and body language are consistent
with your words.
2. Relax. If your emotions
become too overwhelming, learn to relax and breathe slowly
or ask that the conversation be continued later. Leave if
you have to.
3. Bring a friend. If in
the past talking to your 'ex' has resulted in violence or
verbal attack, take another person with you.
4. Back off. If your 'ex'
is emotionally closed, back off. Keep on talking and
explaining will get angry while your 'ex' gets irritated.
Just wait for a better time or write a letter. Letters are
a perfect option for communicating clearly and without
emotions. They also allow the other person time to digest
what you say.
5. Bounce it back. If your
'ex' attacks you verbally, reply, "I refuse to
receive that. I need to be respected in this conversation
and, if you're not able to do that right now, we should
continue this later." Don't act snotty, superior, or
self-righteous. Be kind. If your 'ex' continues to bait
you into an argument, leave calmly and quietly.
Remember your children's
welfare must always be your first priority. Think about
the long-term effects on your children of everything you
and your ex say and do. Follow the above goals and
guidelines. Strive to improve your co-parenting
communication then you can create the best possible
co-parenting relation. Do all these for your children
sake.
Copyright by Ruben Francia.
All Rights Reserved.
Publishing Rights: You have
permission to publish this article electronically, in
print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge,
as long as the author's information and web link are
included at the bottom of the article. The web link should
be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or
in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so
long as they do not distort or change the content of the
article.
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About
The Author
Ruben
Francia is an author of an indispensable
divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled
"101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced'
Children To Success". Discover the
ways to raising healthy, happy and
successful children even if you're
divorced. Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com. |
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