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John was a 43 year-old sales
manager at a large company. He’s married and has 3
children, ages 7, 9, and 12. His wife works part-time as a
nursing assistant, and they both do as much as they can to
parent their children well.
John has developed serious
doubts about his ability to be an effective parent in the
last couple of years. All of his kids are involved in
after school activities, and his demands at work are
greater than they’ve ever been. His lack of time with
his kids bothers him a great deal, but he doesn’t dare
take more time off from work. He’s also bothered by his
inability to get his kids to listen to him, and he’s
resorted to yelling and threats as measures of discipline.
John’s family seems
rushed all the time, and the routines in the morning and
at bedtime are almost always chaotic. He often doesn’t
have the energy when he gets home from work to spend
quality time with his kids, and he feels his relationships
with them are growing more distant. In particular, he’s
struggling with his teenage daughter’s behavior. John
feels he has little in common with her at this stage in
their lives.
Welcome to the life of an
American parent in the 21st century.
There are many reasons that
parenting today is more difficult than in years past. Here
are a few of them:
- The typical, middle
income married couple family works 3,885 hours –
that’s an increase of 247 hours, or nearly six
weeks, more than their counterparts ten years ago.
- Working couples lost an
average of 22 hours a week of family and personal time
between 1969 and 1999.
- In the last three
decades, American families are eating 33% fewer meals
together as a family.
- In 1990, the American
advertisers spent 100 million dollars advertising to
children. In 2000, they spent 2 billion dollars in
their advertising to children.
Alvin Toffler once said,
“Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the
amateur.” For too long, parents have taken on the most
important job they’ll ever have with little or no
training. Parents can’t afford to be amateurs anymore.
They must arm themselves with the knowledge, support, and
discipline needed to parent their kids effectively. They
must take responsibility for the impact their parenting
will have on their children. And they must recognize that
in today’s culture, their kids need them to be there
more than ever.
In John’s case, hiring a
coach helped him to:
- Simplify the life of his
family, so they could spend more time together
- Learn positive
discipline skills, so the daily routines went more
smoothly and there were fewer conflicts
- Develop a plan to put in
place when he got angry, so he wouldn’t do or say
something he’d regret later
- Learn how to be less
judgmental with his daughter, and to find specific
ways to be more connected with her.
Though parenthood can be
extremely difficult and challenging at times, it can also
be incredibly fulfilling and enjoyable. Most of us would
never think of starting a new career without the
information and training necessary to be effective. Do we
think our job as a parent is less important? Effective
parenting skills can be learned by anyone who cares enough
to commit to them, and by anyone who knows the importance
of their parenting to the future of their kids.
It’s time for parents to
get some help. It’s the best investment they’ll ever
make.
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About
The Author
Mark
Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents
by phone to balance their life and improve
family relationships. For a FREE twenty
minute sample session by phone, ebooks and
courses for fathers, articles, and a FREE
weekly newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com
or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com. |
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